Where do I see myself in five years?

This is a very challenging question that I hate being asked. “Hunny, you’re in your final year of the University now; Where do you see yourself in let’s say, five years?”. When asked, I mentally create scenes in my head of where I’ll be, what I’ll be doing and how I’ll look five years from now and every time, different pictures seem to be painted in my head. I honestly don’t have a specific plan. I expect to be disappointed so I just don’t like expecting anything. In five years, I should be married with a baby. Just joking! I really don’t know. To be honest in five years I believe I would be very settled. I should have completed my first best selling novel I think, I should have been called for a creative writing fellowship at Harvard or NYU or some really high class school. I see myself with my present boyfriend, still setting couple goals, he should have proposed by then. I would have completed my Masters program in America. If the fellowship doesn’t happen, I would probably be in either Lagos, Abuja or America, anywhere I get an amazing offer really working a job I probably don’t like, I’ll just be doing it for the money obviously till I’m stable enough to resign. I’m also thinking of going to film school and taking master make up classes. 
Setting goals are honestly remarkable. I envy people that actually go through with their goals. However, life gets in the way most times. It’s clear I don’t have my shit together at the moment. But then.. Honestly, I really don’t know. I’ve got a lot of great plans, carrying them out is the problem. 

I know this is really not an answer. But like I said, I really hate being asked this question. Ask me this question in like two years, I should have a precise answer by then. 

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I’m so so sorry I haven’t uploaded in a long while. I have been occupied with school stuff and my internship program. Happy new year in advance everyone!

                                    -Haleemah Atobiloye. 

To my forever and a day more…

You’ve finally realized that caramel is your favorite topping and color.

My baby, everything you do affects me and I love it. You’ve really dug yourself right into me. I get selfish and want you to myself almost all the time but hey I can always have my way and I really can’t help it.

I want to always be there for you,
I want to be your risk,
I want to be close to you, always want to feel your warmth and hear your laughter,
I want to live your hopes and dreams with you, face your fears together,
I want to share your happy and sad moments with you,
I want to know i made your day, I know you always have me in mind,
I want to listen to your problems,
I want to be the reason your heart does a double flip,
I want hug you tight when you feel very vulnerable,
I want to kiss your pain away. I want to kiss you,
I want to be the first person you think of when you get a good news,
I want to be intimate with you,
I want to make you weak with just one single touch,
I want to show you what it is like to make love to someone who has strong and genuine feelings for you,
I want to explore you, not only your body but your mind as well,
I want to strip you off your clothes, strip your mind and also strip you free from your troubles.

Whenever we make out, I feel it. I don’t want you to leave. I just want to keep kissing you. You mean the world to me. I am all yours.

I love you so much, it will last forever and a day. I love you so deeply and passionately and I’m pretty sure you know how much you mean to me. I hope you’ll be mine forever and a day more, for forever and a day I am in love with you.
-Haleemah

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Writer’s Note : ‘I crave a love so fucking deep that even the ocean would be jealous’. This is kind of a letter to my forever. I’m a hopeless romantic so you really can’t blame me.

No Law Is Going To Change Us

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Homosexual – a person who is sexually attracted to people of their own sex.
synonyms: gay, lesbian.

There’s been this serious bant going around my school lately. It all started with a fight between roommates. They’re four in the room so the fight was three-against-one. The ‘one’ won the fight based on the results the students created. Part of the reasons she won is because of the accusations she afflicted on them. According to her, she claimed that they practice lesbianism. In other words they’re homosexuals. As expected this created a chasm amongst students, everyone wants to talk — some even claimed to have a sex tape of them, these vague rumors are all over the place, everything negative.

Um by now you all should have known that I’m a Nigerian and I also study in Nigeria. There’s this thing called ‘Nigerian Mentality’, the name is self explanatory enough I guess. Anyways its used to make fun of the way we see things. This Nigerian Mentality affects the whole country. This Nigerian Mentality is affecting the students in my school. These three girls are being victimized, people look at them different now and once they pass, people laugh and do all them village illiterate attitude. People believe it’s true because when the fight was happening and the defamation of character was said, they didn’t say anything to defend themselves.

This topic led to an argument between myself and my roommate. **Not to brag or anything but I got her to reason with me, Lol. I’m rad like that** Fine I agree that homosexuality is a challenge in every society, Nigeria or otherwise but it’s already here and there’s nothing we can do about it than learn to respect it. Besides, I expected this issue to be taken with an open mind because this is a University environment and we are all educated people here. Though it’s a religious (Muslim) school, I still expected people to use basic common sense which is to reason and give an informed opinion.

The main problem is that Nigeria roots itself in God and cultural traditions of those before us, so if anyone does anything contrary to what they’ve done, that person is working for the devil or is the devil himself. Homosexuality is considered anti-tradition, culture and religions with an “S” at least they agreed on that. Every human being deserves dignity and not getting that is a violation. Homosexuality doesn’t mean someone is a bad person or ungodly. It doesn’t mean someone is immoral. One’s sexuality doesn’t define them, it’s only a part of them. In Nigeria, we tend to show off as being the holiest of all, we think it’s the right of a man to openly cheat on his wife, we practically praise him for doing that but we crucify someone who’s trying to be themselves and yet still wear the ‘Morality Coat’. It’s not morally irresponsible for a forty-something years old man to marry a nine-year-old girl and have sex with her which is just wrong and inhumane on every level. There’s no law against that which is a proper crime as a victim is involved. We argue that we’re civilized yet we don’t sit for at least five minutes to consider how people of this orientation feel, tolerating them at least is somewhere we can start from.

With the amount of over educated people in this country, yes ‘Over Educated’ because we are the ones with Bsc, Msc, PhD and a every professional certificate this world has to offer yet Nigerians still act like Same-Sex Attraction (SSA) is simply a chosen “lifestyle” that can be easily changed. Wake up people! It is inborn and unchangeable. And if you think of it why would anybody choose to be homosexual in a world that makes life so difficult for homosexuals? It’s futile to rant against homosexuality. Ranting against homosexuality is like ranting against people with big feet or curly hair. What’s the point? You can’t stop then from being born because nature would continue to make them. After all, no one ever asked to be straight same way no one asked to be homosexual. I honestly don’t believe it’s a conscious choice.

Yes! I’m ranting but you’ll give it to me that it’s a calculated one. Because we’re Nigerians and its a crime to think differently, I would be lashed on because of this post. Truth is.. I honestly don’t care. I have been granted freedom of expression and a right to speak my mind. And this is my mind ! We’re just so ignorant of some things, the world is changing and we can’t be stagnant forever. And my people, throwing people in jail doesn’t revert homosexuality. Being gay is not a crime. Nigerians are hypocrites who hide under the guise of religion which is the worst thing that has happened to our people. Why discriminate on the basis of sexual preferences when there are more important things to worry about like poverty, corruption, injustice, unemployment, violence and the list goes on. It’s a pity to see that people who are leading this country and the citizens of the country think that homosexuality is bigger than these problems, they need to take a reality check.
-Haleemah

My University Experience So Far…

Before I start writing this, everyone, I think I’m depressed. Oh and the metaphorical ‘they’ that always used to tell us that university would be the best years of our lives, that we would make life-long friends and life-long memories. They were wrong. However, that is not necessarily a bad thing, because I managed to learn so much more from my bad university experience this way.
Lol I feel like I’m about to write one long ass essay. Well… My university experience so far has certainly been full of adventure — I have ran the course of petty dramas, been labelled a snob and tainted with pretty nasty words I’m trying really hard to forget, I have made friends mostly weather friends, survived heart-breaks and then there’s the boy drama I’ve had quite a lot of that right through to panic and anxiety attacks, and depression and I have been mocked.
I hate to admit it but there were few good moments. That’s all I’m writing about the good. This is a scathing review of my university experience how miserable they had made me So I’m sorry I didn’t write a more balanced point of view.
At the moment I’m going through a sort of ‘me against the world’ kinda thing because things are becoming increasingly tough and I seem to become increasingly isolated. I dunno if I should seek for help.
Once I received the message that I would be going to Crescent. I was devastated. I imagined how campus life would be, I honestly didn’t expect it to be this bad though. Movies lie people! University sucks! I don’t know what it was about the people I met. In my head I thought I would meet intelligent and kind people who I could share many amazing experiences with but noo I came across and still meeting people on this campus who never seize to amaze and amuse me, I don’t even know where to classify their level of retardness (I know this is not a word) and ignorance at first it really used to bother me I’m always like ‘Did she really just say that out loud, that’s the stupidest thing I ever heard’ and stuff like that but now I’m usually looking forward to this. Everything can’t be all negative, I have met some genuine, honest and brilliant people too, these set of people don’t just sit and criticize you for been the way you are, they’re intellectual like that (I happen to fall into this category).
Looking back is actually pretty funny: during my first year it is fair to say I struggled, like practically and literally struggled. I didn’t know what had hit me, and I missed home, my friends, and family. The hostel that I’m paying 100 thousand naira every session for is in a terrible state – extremely dirty toilets, slippery floors, stinky environment. Mosquitoes and some weird insects nko? Wahala!. The hustle for water and electricity and even food is completely absurd for a private University. I was overwhelmed for the first couple months to say the least.
My second year went down with waay more drama than the first.. Truss me some intense shit went down. I started loosing respect for certain people, I didn’t care about anything anymore. It was pretty hard and I had to go through everything alone, I didn’t have anyone to confide in. It’s not a good thing for any seventeen year old to go through. I was scared to death, at some point I’m like maybe I should just end it all. And then I would be like ‘you know hell’s prepared for you if you do that’. It was unexpected, the rumors been carried about me were to much and my hatred for surprises made it worse. I became some hard hearted realist, I still am. I’m still on my third year and it’s pretty much a continuation of the second. I’m not surprised anymore, I tend to expect the worse from people nowadays, it’s kind of my defense mechanism now.
I wish I don’t have to suffer through all the crap, but now that it has happened and still happening the best I can do is learn from it, because I am so much stronger than I was when I first started. There’s really no one way to live your life, which is why I can’t look back at the last three years of my life and regret it. I am definitely ready to move on now. I think that university is always going to be an experience quite personal and reflective for me. My University experience isn’t working out as I planned, but the experience so far has given me perspective. Yep, that’s right, there was some good amongst the chaos and stress (and high blood pressure) the uni is causing me.
-Haleemah

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Why didn’t you guard your heart?

My body tingled with unspeakable emotions, my heart did a double flip, I was excited to see him walk into the lecture room. I’m not in love with him but I’m madly attracted to him. He’s sexy !
He says he loves me, I believe him and at the same time I don’t.
He tells me I’m beautiful in every way, with or without makeup, with or without my frequent pimple and eczema breakouts. Lol as if I didn’t know, I still love hearing it from people though.
We didn’t meet at the right time. He was involved with someone he didn’t love and I was living in some movie world where I believed too much in love and all them fairy tale crap so I kept on breaking up with my boyfriends because they weren’t up to my Prince Charming standard. He was aware of my flirty attitude but still couldn’t hold himself from falling for me.
Damola is different. I know most people usually say this but Damola is honestly different. He is innocent and loyal. I don’t know what I did to deserve him. He’s patient and treats me like a queen, his queen. I can control him. And I love being in control.
In his eyes, I’m like some trophy that he is dying to collect. He needs me more than I need him to, more than I want him to. I know whenever I need him, whenever I want him, he’ll only be a breath away, a hello away.
Damola, I’m very sorry I never fell in love with you.
-Haleemah

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Writer’s Note: Haleemah’s the writer but I bet you already knew that…
So how’s my writing ? I know, I suck at it. 😒

Typical.

Huh? What do you mean?

Ask how your writing is. Then say you suck afterwards. You’re just waiting for someone to compliment you, aren’t you ? You already know you’re really good at it.

Whaaaaat? Psst say whatever you want? I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Say whatever I want? I’m just a mere piece of your imagination. You’re the one who’s talking here.

Right. Keep telling yourself that. I’m really not that weird to talk to myself. Geez.

Yes you are.

No I’m not.

ST-STOP IT !

*the two looks at the one who is ‘stopping’ them*

And who are you supposed to be ?

Umm I-I’m —

Lmao! I’m going to stop now. I hope my blog is interesting enough. And I honestly don’t know why I’m writing this. It’s not like people read my blog. But I have a feeling that this blog is going to become really popular soon.

Of course. Typical you ! always have a feeling about almost everything. Wake up princess.

Hahaha ikr, you’re dreaming sisterr.

Aww you called me a princess. And who’s your own sister ? What are you two doing here btw ? GTFO of my writer’s note !

Hey, we were just-

OUT ! NOW!!!!!

*Sigh* I dunno why these people keep on bullying me.

LiKe Seriously.. SCREW YOU GUYS (MALE SPECIES) !

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I started writing this sumthng sumthng (I don’t know where to categorize it) for my ex boyfriend.. Yes! For him! My ex, former, whatever. ..Anyways this happened, I spoke to him last night and after our really intense convo and make out session, which was flippin’ HOT btw, I realized that no matter how much you struggle and fight for a guy, once the tables are turned its the ones you least expect that keep on adding pepper to an open wound. I’ll spare you the gory details of the really depressing and sexy talk and just cut to the end.. THEY ARE HONESTLY NOT WORTH IT ! And I’m not just saying this because someone hurt me real bad. I mean it !
Been the influential feminist I was born to be. Lol. I decided to add a few things and write this to all the ungrateful guys who have made really amazing and beautiful ladies feel like shit just ’cause they’re hopelessly in love with you.. Fuck you guys (males) !
I’m sure we all have those days, when we think about someone for the entire day… well today seems to be that day for me. She’s sure you get this a lot but still says it regardless.. She just wants you to know that you’re amazing, brilliant and smokinggg hot ! She loves you with all of her heart. Words can’t even explain how she feels. Most people don’t understand her, but you do. You’re perfect for her and as much as she fights it, it only makes her want you more. She wishes she could explain the way she cares about you and how everything you do makes her happy and how she didn’t know that she was going to wind up feeling this way about you. But she did.. She still does and she wouldn’t change it for anything or anyone. She has been noticing how you talk less and less now. It’s not that she doesn’t want to talk to you. It’s just that she doesn’t want to come off as too needy, too possessive, too neurotic. She doesn’t want to lose you but a selfish part of her wants more. She just can’t escape her own mind, can’t escape what she wants and desires. You are the only one she wants to spend her time with. You’re not like everyone else, you know all the right things to say and you make her really happy (sometimes) and you make her cry and make her really mad, insecure and jealous when she sees you looking at other girls and she sincerely doesn’t like feeling like that. She’ll never give up on you even when it gets tough. She is stupidly in love with you and you know that that’s why you keep on treating her like crap. She swears that she’ll always be there, She would give anything and everything and will always care. Through weakness and strength, happiness and sorrow, for better for worse, She will love you with every beat of her heart. You’re like a complex puzzle, the only puzzle she cares enough about to solve. She wants to be close to you. She wants to feel your touch, warmth and your laughter. She want to know you in a way different than friendship allows. She knows your fears, your hopes, your dreams and wants to be able to share your happy moments with you and sad ones when you feel down. She wants to know that she made your day, She want to know you always have her in mind.. She listens to your problems, She wants to hug you tight when you feel very vulnerable, She wants to kiss your pain away, she always wants to kiss you, she is always there for you, She wants to be the first person you think of when you get a good news. Yes, you have arguments but soon pass the rough patch and situations like that won’t arise ever again. I don’t know if what I just said made any sense. All she wants is for you to show her you love her, show her you care… She is tired of you saying it, She wants to be sure you do and for her to be sure, you have to show her. She wants you to show her when you’re ready and in your way without being pressured into it. You’ve really dug yourself right into her. Everything you do affects her and she adores it. Although sometimes she gets selfish and want you to herself but hey she can’t always have her way. Not getting back with you will hurt her way more than it will hurt you but she is sick of being a ‘page’ to the person who has always been her number one priority. The best thing is that she has never loved anyone the way she has loved you. The worst thing is that she will miss you in a way that she has never missed anyone. Goodbye! She couldn’t sleep and she just wants you to know how she feels. She loves you so fucking much her king, her forever and a day more.
-Haleemah

WHY NEPA ?

Silence filled the entire building
The only things one could hear was the sound of the crickets chirping and mosquitoes buzzing happily in your ear
And to be honest no one really wanted to hear that so
Why NEPA ?
Without you there’s honestly no peace Complaint, restlessness and frustration are the only emotions present
Why NEPA ?
You’re definitely the most cursed organisation in the world NEPA
You have ruled our life as such that we accelerate decisions like ironing a week’s worth of cloth, charging your phones, phablets, tablets and laptops hourly.
You have scarred the mindset of we Nigerians making us operate on auto-pilot.
So my dear NEPA
May the Heavens punish you !
-Haleemah
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Writer’s (Haleemah’s) Note:
NEPA (National Electric Power Authority) a.k.a PHCN (The Power Holding Company of Nigeria) is the organization governing the use of electricity in Nigeria.